Accepting Joy

I just finished enjoying a post by Brenda J. Hoffman on "Brenda's Blog" entitled "You Will Not Fail - You Will Not Fall". She has been a channel for more than 20 years and I find her offerings to be practical and helpful.

Lately, I have been encountering a situation at work which was very irritating to say the least. It involves a group of people who, for a number of valid reasons, have been unable to change their actions in a way which would more easily accommodate the piece I do with them. I could whine about it more but that is really all you need to know.

Thank you for thanking me, you're welcome!

I was getting so worked up about it that I eventually had to let one of my co-workers take over the area temporarily. I was loosing the ability to even be polite, but at the same time knowing that it was really weird to be feeling that way. Anyway, I just bailed to save everyone a bad experience knowing that it was something going on with me but unable to deactivate or solve it.

Sure, I would have solved it eventually but along comes Brenda and blows it all out of the water.

After reading her article I went into a short meditation myself where I saw an effigy of me lying on a lounger and being run through with swords. It was very puzzling until I realized I was fine and watching from a distance.

Hello!

There it is, I am fine at work too, and its not about me at all. This past year everyone has had to work harder because of staff shortages and inadequate funding, yadda, yadda, yadda. I am still fine. I will be fine.

I am a spiritual being in a physical body. I can be in the joy of spirit no matter what. Ah, but I keep forgetting. Isn't that why we are here, to remember that we are indeed spiritual beings?

Thanks Brenda, for the gentle kick in the spiritual butt!

Do You Really Want To Kill Your Ego?

Steve Pavlina poses this question on his Personal Development Blog dated January 20th, 2010. It's been pestering me since then because there is another side which he is not seeing. Bear with me while I develop another perspective, referencing his article from time to time.

How Steve Sees It

He uses ego to refer to "your physical world identity, mainly your personality and sense of self". I agree! Then he goes on to describe persons who "go all out" with it as "giving away possessions, shaving their heads and spending their days meditating, doing chores and striving to give away any last bits of attachment to their previous identities".

I am willing to grant that these practices do happen, but they need to be seen in the context of their intended goals and not, as Steve sees them, as aberrant activities of a character too weak to engage normal life. The goal of these spiritual seekers is to reconnect their soul selves with source. They may have already recognized that possessions are of no use in that search and are in fact a hindrance. This is not to be understood as a decision to denounce all abundance but simply redistribute it so that it no longer requires you to look after it and protect it from loss. Letting go of material possessions is not a decision that most arrive at easily. It is best framed as an action of releasing rather than as a loss. There are many who have lost their possessions through misfortune. This is not the same unless the loss catapults the person into a spiritual awakening in which they recognize the spiritual lessons which are acquired as a result.

Steve sees many people as trapped in an impossible situation because they see launching a strong career as being too ego based while on the other hand they are unable to relinquish their attachment to their identities and their stuff. I agree. People struggle on both ends of the continuum. Steve recommends that it makes more sense to strive for a career and a strong ego-based life. I on the other hand think a more heartfelt existence can be had by choosing ones spirit as a guiding principle. We need to recognize that many have strived and failed at both. There is a pull toward both ends. Both have merits and it depends on what you want out of your life which one you choose. Steve is right, it is a choice, but what he doesn't concede is that both are valid and both are difficult.

Steve goes on to say that people stuck in the middle like this are usually borderline-broke most of the time. He has singled out healers, readers, massage therapists and such. He calls it "a half-assed approach to enlightenment" while meanwhile they are doing nothing to make the world any better. I am responding to this on my blog because comments are not allowed on his articles. I really wonder why I am bothering except I need to say "Steve, you are missing the boat on this one." Look into it more and maybe even interview with some folk who are on this path before you run it down again.


Building a Stronger Spiritual Base.

Instead of weakening your ego an alternative would be to build a strong spiritual base. Consider what you might achieve with it. Your spirit is your soul. It is what remains when your human form ceases to exist. Exploring your spirit self through study and meditation might lead you to discover you are no longer interested in some aspects of your former life things that were attractive to your ego. To Steve this equates to being "sidelined as a non-player character". Steve recommends that you leave people and situations behind if they are no longer serving your advancement. If you apply this to spiritual pursuits what would it look like? You would probably be leaving behind people who are striving too hard for success and material gain and friends who refuse to accept you as you are. How would you like to develop your spirit during your time here on this earth?

Well Steve, it looks like you were right again. Your stuff is good man, just apply it more universally.


Now comes the curious part of the article where Steve notes some personal attributes which are essential for building character. Strangely, they are the same attributes one gains when building spirit.
I have replaced the words
ego and character with spirit
and replaced as having a strong ego with as you are
and replaced strong people with people
and replaced the strong with them
but the rest is a direct quote.


Spirit-building Ideas

1. Honesty - See how honest and open you can make your character. Be honest in your dealings with others. Stop pretending and hiding who you are. Share yourself openly with the world.

2. Courage - Continually push yourself to face your fears instead of shrinking from them. This will give your spirit more options.

3. Exploration - Learn by trial and error. Step into the unknown and learn by doing. Develop a "spirit" that loves to dive in and learn new things.

4. Service - Tune your "spirit" in the direction of serving others, such that the stronger your "spirit" becomes, the more you push yourself to help people. Make service to others part of your identity.

5. Acceptance - When you accept yourself "as you are", you'll be more willing to accept other "people" into your life as well instead of feeling you need to attack "them" in order to justify your own weakness.

6. Discipline - Develop a "spirit" that identifies itself with good habits like regular exercise and solid productivity.


So What's My Point?

I just wanted to say Steve that you have a great blog. I tapped into it originally because I was just getting going on this blog and you helped my understanding. I don't read all your stuff but I happened to catch this one for some reason and it was like an itch that you can't scratch so what do I do? I blog about it.

The following quote is about as close as I can come to expressing how I feel about this:


"By this time I had already come to see myself as a soul. That's one of the first things any student of Mussar needs to understand and acknowledge, deeply and clearly. Each of us is a soul. Mostly we have been told that we "have" a soul, but that's not the same thing. To have a soul would indicate that we are primarily an ego or a personality that in some way "possesses" a soul. The first step on the path of Mussar is to unlearn that linguistic misconception and to realize that our essence is the soul and that all aspects of ego and personality flow from that essence. At its core, the soul is pure, but habits, tendencies and imbalances often obscure some of that inner light. The lessons of Mussar are all intended to help us correct whatever shortcomings may be preventing the light of our soul from shining through."

– excerpt from Climbing Jacob's Ladder, Alan Morinis





So, you see, one of us is describing the tail and one of us the ears but if we all get together we might be able to see the elephant.

Why Grandmothers Give Money For Christmas

The first couple of times it seemed really WRONG, like I had no interest in hand picking the perfect present for each grandchild. It wasn’t that I didn’t try. Children like stuff that I have never heard of before.

I learned very quickly to ask lots of questions and armed with a list would head out to the nearest store. Nope! The nearest department store was where I went to shop for my kids. These days the items on the list were all in specialty stores. Each kids choice in a different store of course and the closest was half way across town.

Alright, the second store I try has the first item on the list. I ask the clerk where to find it and she points. Now I have to tell her I don’t even know what it is! She rolls her eyes and says, as though talking to a moron, “Its’ a DVD!” “OK, thanks!” I say relieved that it is something I will recognize.

OK, one down! Next is a game for an “electronic device” that I have never seen before. I have the name and make of the game though. Argggg...... there is more than one version of the game and which model of player do they have? I don’t know. Like I said....never seen it before. “Does it matter that much?” I say to the clerk. “Yes” says the clerk, “Does it look like this?” “I don’t know” I say. “I have never seen it before." Already backing away from the counter, I say "maybe I will have to call them. I’ll come back tomorrow. Thanks.”

And that is how Granma Grinch was created. This year, crisp bills attached to the top of boxes of candy (so they won’t know it’s just money until they open it) and wrapped in festive paper. My can’t-go-wrong gifts are ready to deliver.

Humbug
Signed, Granma Grinch

A Blessing and a Curse!

I came across this little poem again recently and it still takes me back to my childhood memories.

THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL

WHO HAD A LITTLE CURL

RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HER FOREHEAD

WHEN SHE WAS GOOD

SHE WAS VERY VERY GOOD

AND WHEN SHE WAS BAD

SHE WAS HORRID

I had beautiful curly hair as a child so my mother often recited this little poem to me. I was the "good child", you see, and when she said it I puffed up with the pleasure of being recognized as very, very good. That pleasure, which was very short lived, was soon replaced with torment as I braced myself to also be labeled HORRID!

I now recognize that as parents we have little or no idea about how our children are effected by the things we say to them. I imagine that my mother had some fondness in her heart when she spoke those words to me. I hope she did.

I recall one road trip with all three of my children when we were answering a quiz from a magazine to entertain ourselves. The questions were of a personal nature revealing quirks and characteristics of us all. One question, to my eldest daughter, was about having high expectations of yourself. She gave her reply and then said to me, "You have really high expectations of us!" It was said in the tone of accusation and I realized at that moment how my actions, which were meant to be encouraging, were seen by her.

Games like these are a great tool I think, if used heartfully. Children don't always speak up and let us know how things are for them unless encouraged in some way.

None of my children have the same experience of their reality growing up in our home. My sibs and I did not either. We are all still finding surprising memories and experiences coming to light.

Reread some of the old nursery rhymes and fairy tales with an eye to how they could be interpreted by children. I'm so glad we don't use those anymore! At least there was a magical element about them which made them somewhat separate from everyday reality.

Are modern versions of entertainment for children any better? I like to think they are, but I am sure there are always impressions being made and not all of them are useful to the child. Most children's shows are trying to be educational, but wait, so were the nursery rhymes and fairy tales.

My conclusion is that it is just not possible to give your children all the impressions that you want them to have. Who knows if our information is the best for them anyway. The best solution, I think, is to love them, have fun with them and keep them safe while you enjoy watching them become who they are.