A Blessing and a Curse!

I came across this little poem again recently and it still takes me back to my childhood memories.

THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL

WHO HAD A LITTLE CURL

RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HER FOREHEAD

WHEN SHE WAS GOOD

SHE WAS VERY VERY GOOD

AND WHEN SHE WAS BAD

SHE WAS HORRID

I had beautiful curly hair as a child so my mother often recited this little poem to me. I was the "good child", you see, and when she said it I puffed up with the pleasure of being recognized as very, very good. That pleasure, which was very short lived, was soon replaced with torment as I braced myself to also be labeled HORRID!

I now recognize that as parents we have little or no idea about how our children are effected by the things we say to them. I imagine that my mother had some fondness in her heart when she spoke those words to me. I hope she did.

I recall one road trip with all three of my children when we were answering a quiz from a magazine to entertain ourselves. The questions were of a personal nature revealing quirks and characteristics of us all. One question, to my eldest daughter, was about having high expectations of yourself. She gave her reply and then said to me, "You have really high expectations of us!" It was said in the tone of accusation and I realized at that moment how my actions, which were meant to be encouraging, were seen by her.

Games like these are a great tool I think, if used heartfully. Children don't always speak up and let us know how things are for them unless encouraged in some way.

None of my children have the same experience of their reality growing up in our home. My sibs and I did not either. We are all still finding surprising memories and experiences coming to light.

Reread some of the old nursery rhymes and fairy tales with an eye to how they could be interpreted by children. I'm so glad we don't use those anymore! At least there was a magical element about them which made them somewhat separate from everyday reality.

Are modern versions of entertainment for children any better? I like to think they are, but I am sure there are always impressions being made and not all of them are useful to the child. Most children's shows are trying to be educational, but wait, so were the nursery rhymes and fairy tales.

My conclusion is that it is just not possible to give your children all the impressions that you want them to have. Who knows if our information is the best for them anyway. The best solution, I think, is to love them, have fun with them and keep them safe while you enjoy watching them become who they are.