Unwanted Effects of Great Freedom

Martin is a couch-surfer and fellow nomad. He posted the following message in a group called "Full Time Travellers/Nomads" on the CouchSurfing website at http://www.couchsurfing.org/ (You must be a member to access the profiles and groups.) I am posting it here with his full permission.

"Hi fellow nomads!
Just found this group and immediately wanted to join and introduce myself, to see if someone can relate to what I'm doing with myself. But now I realized I'm sick of my life story so I'll look for another approach. :)"

He continues......

"I'm wondering about this:
Being retired or just somehow having enough money to travel forever and not needing the home you had anymore is one thing. Sounds like a very rich life!

But, are there also nomads of the kind who simply don't have a "home" even if they would want one, and/or who don't have a source of money and are actually not really sure how they will survive more than one day/week/month at a time?
Who don't know if being a nomad is something they decided or something that just happened?

Having been homeless for 2 years in pursuit of freedom, trying to renounce things, habits, desires etc, I now find myself in a country I didn't expect to be in, with almost no money, no income, no profession, hardly any connections, no backup home to go to anywhere in the world but only temporary ones. I don't know how long I can stay here and don't know where to go next. And here's the thing: I don't mind.

I'm discovering that the one thing still scaring me is that I'm not afraid of things anymore. I'm not afraid of not achieving things or not surviving, I'm hardly not even afraid of causing others trouble anymore, which used to be a huge issue.

I can't see how to get past this. What in the world is going to motivate me to get up and do something, if I'm not afraid of any outcome?

In spirituality this kind of homelessness or freedom is often made to sound all warm and cozy, but please tell me how you actually continue to live in the world if you're not motivated by any fear? Society isn't designed for that for sure. I'm still just 24 and I don't expect to be fed for free if I just drift around like this. Yet I'm totally fine with my life and not motivated to do anything about it. What's happening?

See, it's so odd, I don't even have a problem! I'm healthy right now and not starving and about the rest time will tell. It is causing lots of anxiety though, ironically...
Absurd huh. :)

If anyone else has experienced this, please say hello, or anything you like! It's getting difficult for a part of me to relate to people because most of them are struggling so much and I'm not... so it would be nice to talk to others about it. :)

By the way I'm not suicidal so don't worry."




Taken at Qingyang gong in China, Summer 2009


I will add a couple of comments, from other couch surfers, in the comments section if you are interested. If you wish to add yours Martin will see them.

Why Grandmothers Give Money For Christmas

The first couple of times it seemed really WRONG, like I had no interest in hand picking the perfect present for each grandchild. It wasn’t that I didn’t try. Children like stuff that I have never heard of before.

I learned very quickly to ask lots of questions and armed with a list would head out to the nearest store. Nope! The nearest department store was where I went to shop for my kids. These days the items on the list were all in specialty stores. Each kids choice in a different store of course and the closest was half way across town.

Alright, the second store I try has the first item on the list. I ask the clerk where to find it and she points. Now I have to tell her I don’t even know what it is! She rolls her eyes and says, as though talking to a moron, “Its’ a DVD!” “OK, thanks!” I say relieved that it is something I will recognize.

OK, one down! Next is a game for an “electronic device” that I have never seen before. I have the name and make of the game though. Argggg...... there is more than one version of the game and which model of player do they have? I don’t know. Like I said....never seen it before. “Does it matter that much?” I say to the clerk. “Yes” says the clerk, “Does it look like this?” “I don’t know” I say. “I have never seen it before." Already backing away from the counter, I say "maybe I will have to call them. I’ll come back tomorrow. Thanks.”

And that is how Granma Grinch was created. This year, crisp bills attached to the top of boxes of candy (so they won’t know it’s just money until they open it) and wrapped in festive paper. My can’t-go-wrong gifts are ready to deliver.

Humbug
Signed, Granma Grinch

If Ever You Come Unbent in the Meantime

An undercurrent of emotion seizes the heart with a searing pain and it seems to crack open. Tears come, followed by great wracking sobs of joy. Everything else is cast in one dull shadow. The pointlessness of it all borders on idiocy. Stop! Focus on the intensity. There is life here. You are running after an idea which is sterile. It cannot bear fruit for it is empty of life. Pain is alive. So is joy. They make you feel to your core what it is to be alive. They will not destroy you, but you try to destroy yourself, for your own selfish reasons.

[This came last night and ended as abruptly as it began. To me the title seems incomplete as does the text. I feel like I started reading in the middle of a book. I will not judge however as I asked to channel something that I didn’t understand.

I am trusting it is complete in the way it needs to be and I am posting in the hope that someone gets something out of it. Let me know if you do and perhaps I will too someday.]

“Where am I?”

I love walking, especially in nature, and last month I had the good fortune to move to a suburb with many natural walking options.

I live 3 blocks from the north end of the Meewasin Valley river trail. The South Saskatchewan River zigzags through the city of Saskatoon from Southwest to Northeast and the city has developed many trails along the river’s edge for cyclists and pedestrians. I had no idea the trail came up this far!


Last week I spent two and a half glorious hours exploring the local segment and managed to grab a couple of shots of the sun setting on the river.

The Meewasin Trail is also connected with Saskatoon’s Natural Grasslands Conservation Area. It is a large area of natural prairie land complete with many flora and fauna which flourish locally.

In fact, it is one of the few conservation parks in the world which are found within city limits. It is a great place to walk or meditate in nature and it is only a block from home.


I live a scant 2 minute walk from the outer edge of the city in one of the new neighbourhoods. I love that because I can be walking on a dirt road in the country in a matter of minutes. That really brings out the old farmer in me and before you know it I will be chewing on a stem of grass.

On one of my daily walks I headed down to the end of my street and out into the country, walking around the city through the field. After walking for some time I re-entered the city in another neighbourhood. I noticed a street sign off in the distance and thought, “Ah good! This will tell me where I am.”

As you can see, I was at the corner of 600 Lane and 200 Crescent. This cracked me up because it was no use at all. All the crescents have the same signs except for the one out at the main street. There is no allowance for walkers coming in the back door.


From the edge of Saskatoon to the downtown core, Meewasin Trail is there. One stopping point which shouldn’t be missed is the new River Landing Area which is in the heart of the city. http://www.meewasin.com/development/riverfront/


I suppose I should get a map but that would take the fun of discovery out of my walks. On my last walk I discovered a shortcut to the Forestry Farm Park. You can be sure I will be over there on the next pleasant afternoon.