Do You Really Want To Kill Your Ego?

Steve Pavlina poses this question on his Personal Development Blog dated January 20th, 2010. It's been pestering me since then because there is another side which he is not seeing. Bear with me while I develop another perspective, referencing his article from time to time.

How Steve Sees It

He uses ego to refer to "your physical world identity, mainly your personality and sense of self". I agree! Then he goes on to describe persons who "go all out" with it as "giving away possessions, shaving their heads and spending their days meditating, doing chores and striving to give away any last bits of attachment to their previous identities".

I am willing to grant that these practices do happen, but they need to be seen in the context of their intended goals and not, as Steve sees them, as aberrant activities of a character too weak to engage normal life. The goal of these spiritual seekers is to reconnect their soul selves with source. They may have already recognized that possessions are of no use in that search and are in fact a hindrance. This is not to be understood as a decision to denounce all abundance but simply redistribute it so that it no longer requires you to look after it and protect it from loss. Letting go of material possessions is not a decision that most arrive at easily. It is best framed as an action of releasing rather than as a loss. There are many who have lost their possessions through misfortune. This is not the same unless the loss catapults the person into a spiritual awakening in which they recognize the spiritual lessons which are acquired as a result.

Steve sees many people as trapped in an impossible situation because they see launching a strong career as being too ego based while on the other hand they are unable to relinquish their attachment to their identities and their stuff. I agree. People struggle on both ends of the continuum. Steve recommends that it makes more sense to strive for a career and a strong ego-based life. I on the other hand think a more heartfelt existence can be had by choosing ones spirit as a guiding principle. We need to recognize that many have strived and failed at both. There is a pull toward both ends. Both have merits and it depends on what you want out of your life which one you choose. Steve is right, it is a choice, but what he doesn't concede is that both are valid and both are difficult.

Steve goes on to say that people stuck in the middle like this are usually borderline-broke most of the time. He has singled out healers, readers, massage therapists and such. He calls it "a half-assed approach to enlightenment" while meanwhile they are doing nothing to make the world any better. I am responding to this on my blog because comments are not allowed on his articles. I really wonder why I am bothering except I need to say "Steve, you are missing the boat on this one." Look into it more and maybe even interview with some folk who are on this path before you run it down again.


Building a Stronger Spiritual Base.

Instead of weakening your ego an alternative would be to build a strong spiritual base. Consider what you might achieve with it. Your spirit is your soul. It is what remains when your human form ceases to exist. Exploring your spirit self through study and meditation might lead you to discover you are no longer interested in some aspects of your former life things that were attractive to your ego. To Steve this equates to being "sidelined as a non-player character". Steve recommends that you leave people and situations behind if they are no longer serving your advancement. If you apply this to spiritual pursuits what would it look like? You would probably be leaving behind people who are striving too hard for success and material gain and friends who refuse to accept you as you are. How would you like to develop your spirit during your time here on this earth?

Well Steve, it looks like you were right again. Your stuff is good man, just apply it more universally.


Now comes the curious part of the article where Steve notes some personal attributes which are essential for building character. Strangely, they are the same attributes one gains when building spirit.
I have replaced the words
ego and character with spirit
and replaced as having a strong ego with as you are
and replaced strong people with people
and replaced the strong with them
but the rest is a direct quote.


Spirit-building Ideas

1. Honesty - See how honest and open you can make your character. Be honest in your dealings with others. Stop pretending and hiding who you are. Share yourself openly with the world.

2. Courage - Continually push yourself to face your fears instead of shrinking from them. This will give your spirit more options.

3. Exploration - Learn by trial and error. Step into the unknown and learn by doing. Develop a "spirit" that loves to dive in and learn new things.

4. Service - Tune your "spirit" in the direction of serving others, such that the stronger your "spirit" becomes, the more you push yourself to help people. Make service to others part of your identity.

5. Acceptance - When you accept yourself "as you are", you'll be more willing to accept other "people" into your life as well instead of feeling you need to attack "them" in order to justify your own weakness.

6. Discipline - Develop a "spirit" that identifies itself with good habits like regular exercise and solid productivity.


So What's My Point?

I just wanted to say Steve that you have a great blog. I tapped into it originally because I was just getting going on this blog and you helped my understanding. I don't read all your stuff but I happened to catch this one for some reason and it was like an itch that you can't scratch so what do I do? I blog about it.

The following quote is about as close as I can come to expressing how I feel about this:


"By this time I had already come to see myself as a soul. That's one of the first things any student of Mussar needs to understand and acknowledge, deeply and clearly. Each of us is a soul. Mostly we have been told that we "have" a soul, but that's not the same thing. To have a soul would indicate that we are primarily an ego or a personality that in some way "possesses" a soul. The first step on the path of Mussar is to unlearn that linguistic misconception and to realize that our essence is the soul and that all aspects of ego and personality flow from that essence. At its core, the soul is pure, but habits, tendencies and imbalances often obscure some of that inner light. The lessons of Mussar are all intended to help us correct whatever shortcomings may be preventing the light of our soul from shining through."

– excerpt from Climbing Jacob's Ladder, Alan Morinis





So, you see, one of us is describing the tail and one of us the ears but if we all get together we might be able to see the elephant.